Rappers Come Forward: Actually Endorsed By United States Department of the Treasury

Whether it be shoes, clothes, or cars, we as a people like it when a popular, significant person endorses a product we use. Advertising generates interest within a society, helps businesses and stimulates the economy. What then, however, is inspring people to get out of their store-bought home interiors and actually purchase the products they pine after from the comfort of a couch? Recent discoveries tell us that there is one very real, very gangsta answer: the rap industry.


In a flurry of press releases beginning with Rick Ross and extending throughout the network of popular rap stars, the United States Department of Treasury has been revealed to possess intimate relations within the hip-hop world that have been exploited for benefit.


"When [President Barack] Obama took office, we all could tell that things be changin'," says Ross, the first of many artists to be incorporated into what Congress is calling the Bling-Bling Bill: any musician with a well-established fan base and the means to transmit their music to a mass audience will be compensated by the U.S. Department of the Treasury for lyrical emphasis on spending to stimulate the economy. Basically, the rap industry hit a literal goldmine.


"It was like we was gettin' paid for nothin'," says fellow rapper T.I., who was serving a prison sentence when the bill was enacted under the noses of the American people. "It used to be when people'd be Googlin' my name Texas Instruments was the first page to come up, but now I paid them Google boys off and the King right back on top."


As for the sudden emergence of the bill in the media, an explanation became clear when we began interviewing government employees on the issue.


"We voted on the bill on July 5th," says an unnamed congressman, "people were tired and weren't exactly prepared for work after Independence Day and frankly, I'll be honest, it's when our government performs at its worst." Whether or not this particular congressman disagrees with the signing of the bill or simply rap music in general is unknown.


For the time being, the Bling-Bling Bill remains in effect, and artists outside the rap community have just begun to take advantage of its benefits: superstar Britney Spears is set to release her next album, Pay Me One More Time, early on in the new year and singer Adele, who recently encountered critical acclaim with her album 21, plans on titling her next surefire hit $21 Million.


"It's about time the music industry got some recognition for their influence on the public, I reckon," says Adele, who's new single "Rolling in the Dough" is slated for an early-January release. Time will tell if the British star is accurate in her statement, but for now life is looking pretty golden for the music industry.